Freedom from Torture - World Day of Social Justice Story: 'Unemployed' by Anon

World Day of Social Justice Story: 'Unemployed' by Anon

To mark the World Day of Social Justice, a Write to Life member shares a powerful piece about the challenges facing many asylum seekers in the United Kingdom.

UNEMPLOYED by Anon

When I sit on my bed every day I think a lot, and tears start flowing down my cheeks as I ask myself how on earth am I just doing nothing? I wake up at midday, or at two in the afternoon, when others have gone to work and are earning something for a living.

I always blame myself. Maybe it is my fault. How can I keep depending, begging or borrowing when I could do some job to earn something for a living? I can't buy anything out of my own work, only through begging, and sometimes I feel ashamed of myself, calling a friend to give me some stuff or give me some money, so I can buy something, or pay a fare. What a life I am living.  A human being who so wants to do a job and look after myself.

Last week I lost my small purse which had £50 in it. My friend had just given it to me, and when I called to tell her what had happened she just told me to go and look for a job. She's working. I told her I didn't know how my purse had disappeared from my pocket, but I asked her to forgive me for being a beggar. If I were allowed to work I wouldn't be begging from anyone.  I know my friends are fed up, but I am also fed up with begging from people and looking like a fool because I am unemployed.

When I reached home tears started falling again. I felt: why can't I end my useless life?

I always feel inferior, thinking maybe I'm not supposed to be with my friends. When they invite me to go out my  heart starts pounding and I start sweating, thinking if I go out with them and they ask everyone to contribute towards the food or drinks I shall feel I'm the only one who can't, and people will start looking at each other, and I shall feel so out of place.

We have planned a trip to Coventry but we are supposed to contribute towards food and transport and I want to go but because I'm not working, and all my friends are working, I ask myself: where can I get my contribution? So I can join everyone for that one trip at least?  That would be a memorable time for me, since I cannot travel like them.

When you are unemployed you don't fit in anywhere.

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