Kolbassia Haoussou, MBE and torture survivor - 40th anniversary
"The life that I have today is all down to Freedom from Torture"
20 years ago I came to the UK. I remember the cold. I remember sleeping outside, using a low wall as my bed and my bag as a pillow. I had survived torture and escaped with my life. It had taken seven months to get here, but I had made it, I had made it.
My name is Kolbassia Haoussou and today I am Director of Survivor Leadership and Influencing at Freedom from Torture.
As Freedom from Torture celebrates 40 years, it really is a great honour to write this letter and represent an organisation which has made such a profound difference on my life.
We are a movement built on strong beliefs
Freedom from Torture was formed by a group of individuals who simply refused to be silent about the injustice and inhumanity of torture. They decided to stand with survivors and fight for a world without torture.
40 years on, that spirit endures - in the organisation they founded, in the countless survivors like me it has rescued and in supporters who share those values and support our work.
I want to say a huge thank you. Thank you for being an important part of our community. Thank you for your generous spirit and humanity. We really are nothing without you.
As we turn 40, we celebrate all that we have achieved together. But we also mark this important milestone in our history, by renewing our founding pledge: until torture stops, neither will we.
I had no choice but to flee my home country
My aim was to get somewhere I could be safe, so I just kept walking further and further away from my country. Seven months later, I arrived in the UK.
The long journey had taken its toll, physically and mentally but the only thing in my mind was “survive”. I went to the Home Office and waited all day, but they didn’t get to me, so sent me to a hotel in Margate to wait for my interview. I was so happy and relieved. I truly felt like this country would protect me.
When I went back for the interview, they said they would put me in a better place with food, toothpaste and a shower. They told me it would be even safer. After months of walking, torture and a traumatic journey I was so happy that I would finally be protected, I felt that this country truly cared. I signed a paper in English that I didn’t understand and followed them down a long corridor.
Then they took me through a different exit to a prison van - and then to a detention centre next to an airport. I was so shocked. Everything collapsed then - my mental and physical health. I couldn’t stop hearing the planes and couldn’t stop thinking, “all that and now they will send me back.” I knew I couldn’t face it and that I would rather end it all.
Freedom from Torture saved me
From the detention centre, I was released to a hostel and assigned a case worker who referred me to Freedom from Torture.
There, I met a kind therapist called Robin and we communicated in French. For the first time since arriving, someone could understand me. I told him my story and about my nightmares. He knew I was suffering with the impact of torture.
Freedom from Torture became my place of recovery. Then it became my place of work.It became my family. I have dedicated myself to supporting and empowering other survivors ever since.
In 2020 I was awarded an MBE by the Queen for my services to torture and sexual violence survivors. I tell you this not to boast. I tell you because this is what your support makes possible.
I am who I am today because of people like you. Supporters who enabled my therapy to begin; who helped me to be understood; who firmly believe that torture can never ever be justified and must always be resisted.